Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
