And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
