Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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