My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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