i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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