he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
