Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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