The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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