I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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