You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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