Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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