how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
