There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
