Cold hands, warm shart.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize