So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
