It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
