We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
