I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
