No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
