I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
