but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
