yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
