So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
please come you make the beer taste better
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we're making bets on your personal life
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
