i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm sobbing to NWA
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
