omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize