remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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