There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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