his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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