so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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