My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I have fence marks all over my body
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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