You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
