What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
