Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Found your dick twin last night
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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