can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
How drunk are you?
Completed.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
