can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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