This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
