This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
