We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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