My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
