ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
its not stalking. its research.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
