I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
a search helicopter?!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
