Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize