Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
