im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
