I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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