By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
