There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize