Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
