1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
