The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
