Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
