I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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