So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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