my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
