Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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