Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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