i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
