Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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