I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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