you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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