kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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