i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
