my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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