I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
