exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
