no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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