So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
