I am puke
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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